Goodness, when I sit down to write it seems like time has flown by; but thinking about how much longer I have until my family is back together again seems like forever from now. Things are going okay here. I feel stuck though. This isn't my house and I don't feel entirely comfortable. I know it sounds odd but I feel like everything I do is being judged. Its like I have to prove that I am a fit mother and a good wife. I know that this really isn't true but that is what it feels like. If I said any of this out loud to Laura I am sure it would start a whole other "fight". Maybe it stems from not ever having a family of my own to feeling like I need to earn my way into this one. I am sure the rough start that I had here doesn't help but that is in the past. I wish I could forgive and forget as easily as other people.
Okay, moving on ... Yesterday we went to see Haley and her new baby twins. They are so tiny. Isabelle just loved them, she wanted to crawl into the swing with them. She was pretty good about being gentle with them too. I think she is going to be a lover, she loves animals, her blanket and now babies. I am having a hard time getting her on a schedule and sticking to it. One day it will go well and the next we are off doing something with Laura and the whole thing gets blown out of the water. Have I mentioned that I can't wait to go home ... even though I don't know where that is yet.
Josh is in Iowa today. He is visiting with one of his college buddies and taking a break from driving. He should be here on Friday. I can't wait to see him. You forget how much you love and need someone until they aren't with you sometimes. I need to do better about making time for us once things get settled down again.
Isabelle is going to be one this month. Scary how time flies. We are going to have a birthday party for her. Laura has been inviting people left and right. I don't mind, it will be nice to have a party that is just for her. I only hope that I can keep things going in the direction that I want them to go and not let someone else make the decisions. So far so good; then again we haven't really gotten started. I did pick out a photographer to get her pictures taken though. I am looking forward to that. I think I might need to change the outfits I picked out for her though. I am going to try and go in on Monday to take a look around and check out their packages. It should be fun.
I suppose I need to get back to looking for houses. We will kinda need a place to live once we get to North Carolina. Happy house hunting to me!
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2 comments:
With all the things you mentioned in the first paragraph. I totally understand where you are coming from. When I was married to Shannon and having to live with his mom, I felt the same way as if I was being judged and all that. I feel a little the same way with Johnathan's family, but that is only because of the whole seperation thing that went on between us and I got to find out which family members of his was really for us and who was really against us.
I hope you are able to find a home suitable for you and your family very quickly. I know what it is like having to live with someone else. I feel for you. Don't give in and keep things how you are wanting them to be.
I miss you.
I am glad that you are surviving. Not only living with your in laws but the whole house hunting bit. I can't believe Isabelle is turning one! Do you know what that means...It has been a year since we started talking again. Yah for us :)
I love you like a sista and I am glad that we were able to reconnect. To bad it is now across the country but hey I take it any way I can get it! Love ya and Happy Birthday Isabelle! I am sending something in the mail this week or next. Tam's Briday Shower is this weekend! YIKES
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